BearsAreFast is a fandom splinter group of “The Catholic Guy” show, an afternoon drive radio show heard across the North and Fake Americas on SiriusXM Satellite Radio Channel 129.
This elite team is the #NastyPriest IT Department to Fr. Jim Chern (named one of the busiest college priests in the world by Campus Minister Monthly). The foursome began their careers as a side dish stirrer at Boston Market, a community landscape laborer, a bread stick maker at Fazoli’s and a part-time Viagra distributor. The troupe boast awards including the highly sought “Outstanding Kindergartner of the Week” award (’96), consecutive “Best Chili in a Workplace” awards, a third place ribbon in the US Post Office stamp design contest (’92), and the winner of the invitation-only “New Jersey Beer Pong Tournament.”
Between them, the team has watched a bear-crap load of documentaries and other programming downloaded from the internet. They’re too lazy to fact-check, but some of those shows probably won the Scripps-Howard National Journalism Award, and the Edward R. Murrow Award. None of them watched “The Last Flagraiser” – a World War II documentary co-produced by Lino Rulli.
From 1998-2004, the gang was between 9-23 years old, and mostly played video games, watched sports, listened to New Kids on the Block, and spent hours ripping off Catholic radio show hosts web pages. Oddly enough, those things haven’t changed much in the last 20 years.
Bears Are Fast boasts four fancy degrees in applied physics, applied science and technology, communications, and advanced food canning, but no master’s degrees in theology (because reading is hard). They’ve lived in Florida with strippers, in Wisconsin with cheese, in Indiana with Dan Quayle, and in Illinois with state-wide corruption. They’ve all visited Minnesota at the same time (it’s a real US state) to visit the Target that sells liquor. They currently live in New Jersey, Wisconsin, Kansas, and Pennsylvania and are the coolest folks in their respective cities. And if you’re still reading this, and you are Michael Melo, we look forward to your criticism on social media.
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